Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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