A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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