I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
