Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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