So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
