i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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