you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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