There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
