So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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