you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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