Non-Jews are for practice
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
