Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize