Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
