He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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