thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
