I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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