If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
