i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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