$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i think i just lost a toe
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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