I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
