I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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