we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
