Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
