Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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