Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
