The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
we're so committed to being not committed
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
