party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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