I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
