; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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