I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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