found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
