we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
