i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
