it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
