Welp...herpes.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
