I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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