I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
