I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You dont lie about slip and slides
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
