you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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