GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
