Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
