Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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