Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
