I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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