If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
