trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
