Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
