**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
