I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
