I need to stop coming to work sober
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
