Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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