After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
