dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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